dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize