yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
