I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
