Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
