Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
