Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
