thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
