Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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