Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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