im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
