hotel room ftw
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
