But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
