Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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