I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
