All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
