I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
