WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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