just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
