I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
