At least make sure they are 18
Why
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
