My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
