i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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