Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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