i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
pray to the hookup gods
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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