I cannot find my penis.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
