haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
4 words: hood of his car
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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