I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ok first of all what the fuck
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
