Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
