we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
