I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize