mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize