I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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