My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
