she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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