Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
