I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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