i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
