the condom got lost in my hair
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
