i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
