So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
