i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
