playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
