Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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