Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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