Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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