Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
