Someone shit on the floor
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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