I got chris browned last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
