omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
