if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
