I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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