i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
