I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
