if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
