Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
