id be glad to
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize