I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
