OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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