Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
