There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
