what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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