worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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