areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
