you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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