I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
