I faked an abortion last night.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
