tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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