when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
