This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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