He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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