we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
