but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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