i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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