Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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