Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
