I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize