Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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