can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
