I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
