i just sent this text using only my big toe
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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