Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize