I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
