Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
