She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize