i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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