He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
