The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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