I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
