cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
