I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
