Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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