Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
