She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
