3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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